"When we choose not to forgive, we end up walking in the dark (1 John 2:9-11). Because we can't see clearly, we stumble around in confusion. This throws our judgment off and we make mistakes. We become weak, sick and bitter. Other people notice all this because unforgiveness shows in the face, words and actions of those who have it. They see it, even if they can't specifically identify what it is, and they don't feel comfortable around it."
"Just because we confess our unforgiveness toward someone one day doesn't mean we won't have unforgiveness in us the next. That's why forgiveness is a choice we must make everyday. We choose to forgive whether we feel like it or not."
This actually makes sense to me. I worked for this guy one time.... he wasn't a happy person. He was greedy and would say very hurtful things to your face and behind your back. Once I left his business I was SO relieved. I've noticed though, despite the many times I have genuinely chosen to forgive him days, weeks and months later I still have to choose to forgive him. I've actually wondered several times why I keep going through this.
"When we entertain unforgiving thoughts, they turn to hate inside of us." This is exactly why I keep having to forgive him! I haven't kept control of my mind. Instead I've gone with the ongoing movie of the many times he was hurtful to me. I've fumed over it over and over and over. The more I dwell on particular instance the harder it gets for me to choose to forgive and the easier option is to hate, which would make me a murderer (I John 3:15).
2 Corinthians 10:3-5 "For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ."
So, tomorrow I may begin to consider how hurtful that guy was, but then I will choose not to consider and take my thoughts captive. IF the longer I think on hurtful things causes it to become harder for me to choose to forgive, it's probably best that I take those thoughts captive and not consider them.
Romans 8:6 ".. the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace."
Last quote: "When we forgive someone, it doesn't make them right or justify what they have done. It releases them into God's hands so He can deal with them."
Monday, August 31, 2009
Chapter 2 "Lord, Cleanse Me and Make My Heart Right Before You."
Okay, first, I'm not saying that there was nothing in chapter one to share. I just got something more from chapter 2. The point is not to tell you everything about the book. You have to go get it! I'm just telling you what speaks to me...
In chapter 2 we are asked to examine ourselves.
"I want you to look upon this idea of cleansing your heart not as judgment that your heart is dirty, but as God's call for you to get completely right before Him so He can bring all the blessings He has for you into your life. See it as God preparing you for the important work He has ahead for you to do."
She continues to lead you into a prayer asking the Lord to: "teach me what I am not understanding. Convict me where I am missing the mark. Tear down my arrogance, pride, fear and insecurities, and help me to see the truth about myself..."
I will say that since praying this prayer the Lord has brought several instances to my remembrance that I didn't deal with. I screwed up and then just swept it under the carpet. I've even found myself contacting individuals and asking for forgiveness. It's a humbling thing to realize how hurtful you've been to people, even if it was unintentional. Luckily, Romans 8:1 says "there is now no condemnation." It's actually exciting to know that God cares enough about me to point out those things so I can get them taken care of. Let me encourage you to take the same steps in your own lives. I'll leave you with this last blurb regarding repentance.
"It's one thing to recognize when you have done something that has violated God's laws; it's another to be saddened by it to such a degree that you are determined never to do it again. That's repentance. Repentance means to change your mind. To turn and walk the other way. Repentance means being so deeply sorry for what you have done that you will do whatever it takes to keep it from happening again. Confession means we recognize we have done wrong and admit our sin. Repentance means we are sorry about our sin to the point of grief, and we have turned and walked away from it.
Repenting of something doesn't necessarily mean we will never commit that sin again. It means we don't intend to ever commit it again. So if you find that you have to confess the same sin again after you have only recently confessed and repented of it, then do it. Don't let the enemy saddle you with guilt and ride on your back shouting words of failure in your ear. Confess and repent as many times as necessary to throw him off and see yourself with the battle over this problem. Don't entertain thoughts such as, Surely God won't forgive me again for the same thing I just confessed to Him last week. He forgives every time you confess sin before Him and fully repent of it. "Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered" (Psalm 32:1). You can turn things around in your life when you turn to the Lord and repent.
Learn to confess and repent quickly so that the death process that is set in motion each time we violate God's rules is not given time to do it's full damage, "for the wages of sin is death" (Romans 6:23). Ask God every day to show you where your heart is not clean and right before Him. Don't let anything separate you for all God has for you." (The Power of a Praying Woman, p. 40-41)
In chapter 2 we are asked to examine ourselves.
"I want you to look upon this idea of cleansing your heart not as judgment that your heart is dirty, but as God's call for you to get completely right before Him so He can bring all the blessings He has for you into your life. See it as God preparing you for the important work He has ahead for you to do."
She continues to lead you into a prayer asking the Lord to: "teach me what I am not understanding. Convict me where I am missing the mark. Tear down my arrogance, pride, fear and insecurities, and help me to see the truth about myself..."
I will say that since praying this prayer the Lord has brought several instances to my remembrance that I didn't deal with. I screwed up and then just swept it under the carpet. I've even found myself contacting individuals and asking for forgiveness. It's a humbling thing to realize how hurtful you've been to people, even if it was unintentional. Luckily, Romans 8:1 says "there is now no condemnation." It's actually exciting to know that God cares enough about me to point out those things so I can get them taken care of. Let me encourage you to take the same steps in your own lives. I'll leave you with this last blurb regarding repentance.
"It's one thing to recognize when you have done something that has violated God's laws; it's another to be saddened by it to such a degree that you are determined never to do it again. That's repentance. Repentance means to change your mind. To turn and walk the other way. Repentance means being so deeply sorry for what you have done that you will do whatever it takes to keep it from happening again. Confession means we recognize we have done wrong and admit our sin. Repentance means we are sorry about our sin to the point of grief, and we have turned and walked away from it.
Repenting of something doesn't necessarily mean we will never commit that sin again. It means we don't intend to ever commit it again. So if you find that you have to confess the same sin again after you have only recently confessed and repented of it, then do it. Don't let the enemy saddle you with guilt and ride on your back shouting words of failure in your ear. Confess and repent as many times as necessary to throw him off and see yourself with the battle over this problem. Don't entertain thoughts such as, Surely God won't forgive me again for the same thing I just confessed to Him last week. He forgives every time you confess sin before Him and fully repent of it. "Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered" (Psalm 32:1). You can turn things around in your life when you turn to the Lord and repent.
Learn to confess and repent quickly so that the death process that is set in motion each time we violate God's rules is not given time to do it's full damage, "for the wages of sin is death" (Romans 6:23). Ask God every day to show you where your heart is not clean and right before Him. Don't let anything separate you for all God has for you." (The Power of a Praying Woman, p. 40-41)
Monday, August 17, 2009
My Journey in Self Discovery
So...... today has been an incredible day. Literally one of the best of my entire life. Sadly, it began with my calling into work due to a killer sinus headache (oh Mississippi summers... how I despise you) but has now ended on an incredible note.
Hubs and I went to dinner and a movie tonight. On the way home, we began discussing some pretty intense stuff going on in our lives individually. I explained to Chris some of the "issues" I've been dealing with recently, which I will fill you in on a little bit. Hubs and I have been together now for about 9 years. For the last 8 years we've been together, I have spent much of that time putting my passions and interests on the back burner. It wasn't something that he required of me, it's just something I did in order to focus completely on him. I went so far as to put what I felt my calling was on hold, and eventually got to the point where I said "I'm just going to follow him around and do whatever He feels like God is calling us to do." (Side note: the Lord has spoken some very specific things to me over the years concerning His plan for me.) About a year ago I began to grow discontent with the way my life was going. I made the decision that I was going to focus on me.... Jennifer Wharton, not Mrs. Chris Wharton. Me... me..... me................. who am I? I'm ashamed to say that I don't even really know. So, I began to launch into the journey of self discovery minus asking the Lord for guidance. I have been determined to find my own opinions in the minute details such as... the bands I like, the clothes I wear, what I think is hip. I do think these things are important in knowing who I am. I will also say that in my time of natural self discovery I discovered a passion for cooking. Truly, it's something I enjoy immensely. I went from having no confidence in the kitchen, to feeling I could fix whatever my heart desired. Anytime I find out people are coming over... I immediately think "What's the menu?" It's now a hobby and I'm very thankful to have one to call my own.... that I'm good at. Anyways, the last few months I've just been VERY discontent and rather angry with my life. I'm in my early 20's with not 1 but 2 kids (YOWZAS!) that I love very very much. This too caused me to push myself aside. I no longer focused any effort on myself. My self worth plummeted... no good. One day, I said some rather heated words to Chris expressing some of my discontentment. Just so happens, our Pastor had been speaking on Wednesday nights about being content. I had to work late one Wednesday and didn't make it to church. Chris came in that night and said what a great message it was and that I should really get the cd. I immediately was offended. "Who does this guy think he is? In no way, under no circumstances, will I allow him to tell me what I should and shouldn't do." (Uh-oh) The next day I had a worship cd going on my way to work. I reached the point where I was fed up. I decided to lay my pride aside and repent. I knew the moment I did that all of this built up frustration would cease to exist. (Why is it that our flesh wants so badly to put off something that would do us so much good?..... don't answer that.... I know) So, that's what I did. Completely broken, I repented to God, and I explained to him how discontent I was, I asked for His help. I told Him that I trusted Him.. that I knew He had a plan for me. I asked for His guidance. Thank God He is faithful! I immediately had a new outlook. I was no longer burdened. In the past few months I've felt so encouraged and motivated to walk out the plan God has for me. Reading my bible and praying has been something I've craved. Tonight I explained some of this to Chris. I told him how I put myself, my desires on the back burner. I told him how I had been looking to him to meet my needs and to give me my self worth.
Detour: we have a book I bought while Chris and I were still dating. I recently pulled it from the bookshelf because the Lord was telling me to read it. At the time, I was reading another book and said "Oh, I'll read this after I finish my current book." Well, I finished that book and moved on to another book (which wasn't the book the Lord told me to read). I did this several times. I even picked up a book by Smith Wigglesworth, which would have done loads for me spiritually, but I started it and couldn't stop thinking about this other book.
Tonight, following my intense conversation with Chris, I (finally) picked up the book the Lord has been prodding me to read "The Power of a Praying Woman" by Stormie Omartian (what a name!) I get not even three pages into it and read the following paragraph:
"Do you ever have times when your life seems out of control? Do you ever feel pressured, as if your days are so busy that you fear you're missing out on a certain quality of life because of it? Do you worry that you are neglecting one or more areas of your life because you are trying to fill numerous roles (I accidentally typed rolls here... you can tell where my head always is) and meet many expectations? I've experienced that too."
"Have you ever felt as if your life is stuck in one place and you're going nowhere? Or worse yet, you are going backward? Have you had times when you've lost your vision for the future? Or have you never really had one to begin with? Have you wondered whether you can actually move into the full purpose and destiny God has for you? Have you experienced feelings of emptiness, frustration, or unfulfillment? I, too, have felt all those things." (HOLY COW!!! THIS WOMAN HAS READ MY MIND.... well... did... many years ago when this was written.... which is weird...)
I proceed to the next page and read the following:
"Every woman has needs. But many of us are guilty of looking to other people to meet them-especially the men in our lives. Too often we expect them to meet the needs that only God can fill. And then we are disappointed when they can't. We expect too much from them when our expectations should be in God.
My friend Lisa Bevere expressed it best when she said that for centuries women have "wrestled and waged war with the sons of Adam in an attempt to get them to bless us and affirm our value. But this struggle has left us frustrated at best....In the end, it is all a senseless and exhausting process in which both parties lose. It is not the fault of the sons of Adam; they cannot give us the blessing we seek, and we have frightened them by giving them so much power over our souls. We must learn that the blessing we truly need come only from God."
So.... all that to say this... I am starting the book "The Power of a Praying Woman" and I am going to blog about each chapter. I feel that it will be helpful for me to have thoughts in a written form for future reflection. If you're interested, buy the book and we'll read together. If not, check back with me every so often. Hopefully, it will encourage you and build you up as I know it will for me. God has me reading this for a reason and I know that I'll come out better than I started in the end. Looking forward to it!
Love you ladies (and gents)! Be encouraged!
Hubs and I went to dinner and a movie tonight. On the way home, we began discussing some pretty intense stuff going on in our lives individually. I explained to Chris some of the "issues" I've been dealing with recently, which I will fill you in on a little bit. Hubs and I have been together now for about 9 years. For the last 8 years we've been together, I have spent much of that time putting my passions and interests on the back burner. It wasn't something that he required of me, it's just something I did in order to focus completely on him. I went so far as to put what I felt my calling was on hold, and eventually got to the point where I said "I'm just going to follow him around and do whatever He feels like God is calling us to do." (Side note: the Lord has spoken some very specific things to me over the years concerning His plan for me.) About a year ago I began to grow discontent with the way my life was going. I made the decision that I was going to focus on me.... Jennifer Wharton, not Mrs. Chris Wharton. Me... me..... me................. who am I? I'm ashamed to say that I don't even really know. So, I began to launch into the journey of self discovery minus asking the Lord for guidance. I have been determined to find my own opinions in the minute details such as... the bands I like, the clothes I wear, what I think is hip. I do think these things are important in knowing who I am. I will also say that in my time of natural self discovery I discovered a passion for cooking. Truly, it's something I enjoy immensely. I went from having no confidence in the kitchen, to feeling I could fix whatever my heart desired. Anytime I find out people are coming over... I immediately think "What's the menu?" It's now a hobby and I'm very thankful to have one to call my own.... that I'm good at. Anyways, the last few months I've just been VERY discontent and rather angry with my life. I'm in my early 20's with not 1 but 2 kids (YOWZAS!) that I love very very much. This too caused me to push myself aside. I no longer focused any effort on myself. My self worth plummeted... no good. One day, I said some rather heated words to Chris expressing some of my discontentment. Just so happens, our Pastor had been speaking on Wednesday nights about being content. I had to work late one Wednesday and didn't make it to church. Chris came in that night and said what a great message it was and that I should really get the cd. I immediately was offended. "Who does this guy think he is? In no way, under no circumstances, will I allow him to tell me what I should and shouldn't do." (Uh-oh) The next day I had a worship cd going on my way to work. I reached the point where I was fed up. I decided to lay my pride aside and repent. I knew the moment I did that all of this built up frustration would cease to exist. (Why is it that our flesh wants so badly to put off something that would do us so much good?..... don't answer that.... I know) So, that's what I did. Completely broken, I repented to God, and I explained to him how discontent I was, I asked for His help. I told Him that I trusted Him.. that I knew He had a plan for me. I asked for His guidance. Thank God He is faithful! I immediately had a new outlook. I was no longer burdened. In the past few months I've felt so encouraged and motivated to walk out the plan God has for me. Reading my bible and praying has been something I've craved. Tonight I explained some of this to Chris. I told him how I put myself, my desires on the back burner. I told him how I had been looking to him to meet my needs and to give me my self worth.
Detour: we have a book I bought while Chris and I were still dating. I recently pulled it from the bookshelf because the Lord was telling me to read it. At the time, I was reading another book and said "Oh, I'll read this after I finish my current book." Well, I finished that book and moved on to another book (which wasn't the book the Lord told me to read). I did this several times. I even picked up a book by Smith Wigglesworth, which would have done loads for me spiritually, but I started it and couldn't stop thinking about this other book.
Tonight, following my intense conversation with Chris, I (finally) picked up the book the Lord has been prodding me to read "The Power of a Praying Woman" by Stormie Omartian (what a name!) I get not even three pages into it and read the following paragraph:
"Do you ever have times when your life seems out of control? Do you ever feel pressured, as if your days are so busy that you fear you're missing out on a certain quality of life because of it? Do you worry that you are neglecting one or more areas of your life because you are trying to fill numerous roles (I accidentally typed rolls here... you can tell where my head always is) and meet many expectations? I've experienced that too."
"Have you ever felt as if your life is stuck in one place and you're going nowhere? Or worse yet, you are going backward? Have you had times when you've lost your vision for the future? Or have you never really had one to begin with? Have you wondered whether you can actually move into the full purpose and destiny God has for you? Have you experienced feelings of emptiness, frustration, or unfulfillment? I, too, have felt all those things." (HOLY COW!!! THIS WOMAN HAS READ MY MIND.... well... did... many years ago when this was written.... which is weird...)
I proceed to the next page and read the following:
"Every woman has needs. But many of us are guilty of looking to other people to meet them-especially the men in our lives. Too often we expect them to meet the needs that only God can fill. And then we are disappointed when they can't. We expect too much from them when our expectations should be in God.
My friend Lisa Bevere expressed it best when she said that for centuries women have "wrestled and waged war with the sons of Adam in an attempt to get them to bless us and affirm our value. But this struggle has left us frustrated at best....In the end, it is all a senseless and exhausting process in which both parties lose. It is not the fault of the sons of Adam; they cannot give us the blessing we seek, and we have frightened them by giving them so much power over our souls. We must learn that the blessing we truly need come only from God."
So.... all that to say this... I am starting the book "The Power of a Praying Woman" and I am going to blog about each chapter. I feel that it will be helpful for me to have thoughts in a written form for future reflection. If you're interested, buy the book and we'll read together. If not, check back with me every so often. Hopefully, it will encourage you and build you up as I know it will for me. God has me reading this for a reason and I know that I'll come out better than I started in the end. Looking forward to it!
Love you ladies (and gents)! Be encouraged!
Monday, August 3, 2009
My heart overflows!
Right now... in this moment... I'm having one of those times of reflection. As I listen to probably one of the most intimate worship songs ever (Beautiful-Kari Jobe) I'm overwhelmed with how good God is. I'm extremely blessed to have two of my very own miracles. Ian, my four-year-old, had a very rough start. In what was probably the most traumatic things I've ever experienced, I'm proud to say my God protected him and healed him. Ian was born June 7, 2005 weighing in at 8 lbs 15 oz. When Ian was 2 days old he began to vomit entire feedings up which carried on the entire second day. I felt in my spirit that something was wrong. I mentioned this to the nurse and she said it was normal for them to spit up. She assured me he was fine, but as we went through onesie after onesie I felt that he needed further attention than what he was receiving. The nurse eventually noticed that he was continually spitting up after EVERY feeding. She agreed it would be a good idea to have him looked at by a doctor. She wheeled him away to the Newborn Nursery and said we would hear from the doctor in the next few hours. After the nurse left, I broke down, called my mother in sobs and asked for prayer. We heard from the doctor within a few hours who informed us Ian would be staying in the NICU until he could hold down his feedings. We were able to visit Ian every few hours the following day. Chris and I were completely confused, nervous, not at peace. The following day Chris and I came back to visit Ian and found Ian screaming in pain with an extremely swollen stomach. The nurses basically said they had no idea what was happening with him and felt he should be transferred to UMC to a pediatric specialist. Off we went.... again, in tears, we packed our things in panic while our 3 day old little boy was carried by ambulance to UMC. We arrived soon after and awaited the pediatric surgeons "prognosis". After 30-45 minutes the surgeon met with Chris and I and informed us that they felt Ian had Hirsch Sprungs Disease. The nerves at the end of Ian's colon were dead. Ian was unable to clear out his stool and it was creating a blockage, thus the swollen stomach. We were advised that he would need surgery in which they would remove the deadened part of his colon and what we could expect for the future. We agreed to the surgery. I went back to visit Ian and found him with a tube up his nose which was slowly sucking the stool out, and IV in his sweet little foot. I was devastated. In that moment of absolute hopelessness, I was reminded of a book my grandmother gave me titled "Scripture Confessions for Moms". I decided that I was going to fight for Ian. I felt it hit me, I was angry, I was confused, but I knew that MY God was bigger. Chris and I spent time with Ian, we prayed over him, stroked his little head, held his hand, gushed over how beautiful he was despite the disgusting wires. Chris and I went home and passed out. We visited Ian several times a day over the next week. Each and every time I was with Ian I read aloud the healing confession from that book. I spoke aloud the scriptures that followed. I talked to Ian as if he understood me "You're healed, you know that?" One night before Ian's surgery we sat with one of the nurses. She sat us and some family down and began to explain what we could expect following his surgery. That there was a good chance that he would have to have a colostomy bag that would hold his stool, we would have to empty it and hook it back up. She mentioned how hard it would probably be hard to potty train him, etc. Though she meant well, and wanted us to be informed, I was furious. Chris and I sat to the side as she spoke and showed the printed information to our family. Immediately following, we left with our family and made it clear that we refused to believe the garbage she just unloaded. The following day, Ian was scheduled for surgery and we were surrounded by family and friends. Chris and I were in a place of total peace. I literally remember it like it was yesterday. There wasn't an ounce of fear or worry. Total peace unlike anything I've ever felt. We sat in the waiting room for 2 hours during Ian's surgery. I remember just being completely exhausted... emotionally and physically. I never once felt unsure of Ian's outcome though. To make a long story short, surgery was a success, he had a speedy recovery. His progress wow'ed the doctors at all of our follow-up appointments. We never once had to deal with a colostomy bag and we had absolutely ZERO (abnormal) trouble potty training him. I'm convinced that the devil had something else in mind for Ian. I'm also convinced that God honored our faith. He proved himself faithful to us. He gave us peace that passes all understanding during a really dark time. I know that everyone doesn't believe that it's God's will for you or I to be healed. I firmly believe that God honors his Word. There's nothing you can do or say to convince me otherwise. Regardless of what you believe, I know that the God I serve is a healer because I've experienced it. I've watched one of the most precious things in my life suffer and come out with not even a trace of disease. My son is all the proof I need. I am forever be grateful for my son and I am forever thankful to my God. :)
He personally bore our sins in His [own] body on the tree a]" style="line-height: 0.5em; ">[a][as on an altar and offered Himself on it], that we might die (cease to exist) to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed. (1 Peter 2:24)
"Great crowds came to him, bringing the lame, the blind, the crippled, the mute and many others, and laid them at his feet; and he healed them ALL" (Matthew 15:30)
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever" (Hebrew 13:8)
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