My Journey in Self Discovery

So...... today has been an incredible day. Literally one of the best of my entire life. Sadly, it began with my calling into work due to a killer sinus headache (oh Mississippi summers... how I despise you) but has now ended on an incredible note.
Hubs and I went to dinner and a movie tonight. On the way home, we began discussing some pretty intense stuff going on in our lives individually. I explained to Chris some of the "issues" I've been dealing with recently, which I will fill you in on a little bit. Hubs and I have been together now for about 9 years. For the last 8 years we've been together, I have spent much of that time putting my passions and interests on the back burner. It wasn't something that he required of me, it's just something I did in order to focus completely on him. I went so far as to put what I felt my calling was on hold, and eventually got to the point where I said "I'm just going to follow him around and do whatever He feels like God is calling us to do." (Side note: the Lord has spoken some very specific things to me over the years concerning His plan for me.) About a year ago I began to grow discontent with the way my life was going. I made the decision that I was going to focus on me.... Jennifer Wharton, not Mrs. Chris Wharton. Me... me..... me................. who am I? I'm ashamed to say that I don't even really know. So, I began to launch into the journey of self discovery minus asking the Lord for guidance. I have been determined to find my own opinions in the minute details such as... the bands I like, the clothes I wear, what I think is hip. I do think these things are important in knowing who I am. I will also say that in my time of natural self discovery I discovered a passion for cooking. Truly, it's something I enjoy immensely. I went from having no confidence in the kitchen, to feeling I could fix whatever my heart desired. Anytime I find out people are coming over... I immediately think "What's the menu?" It's now a hobby and I'm very thankful to have one to call my own.... that I'm good at. Anyways, the last few months I've just been VERY discontent and rather angry with my life. I'm in my early 20's with not 1 but 2 kids (YOWZAS!) that I love very very much. This too caused me to push myself aside. I no longer focused any effort on myself. My self worth plummeted... no good. One day, I said some rather heated words to Chris expressing some of my discontentment. Just so happens, our Pastor had been speaking on Wednesday nights about being content. I had to work late one Wednesday and didn't make it to church. Chris came in that night and said what a great message it was and that I should really get the cd. I immediately was offended. "Who does this guy think he is? In no way, under no circumstances, will I allow him to tell me what I should and shouldn't do." (Uh-oh) The next day I had a worship cd going on my way to work. I reached the point where I was fed up. I decided to lay my pride aside and repent. I knew the moment I did that all of this built up frustration would cease to exist. (Why is it that our flesh wants so badly to put off something that would do us so much good?..... don't answer that.... I know) So, that's what I did. Completely broken, I repented to God, and I explained to him how discontent I was, I asked for His help. I told Him that I trusted Him.. that I knew He had a plan for me. I asked for His guidance. Thank God He is faithful! I immediately had a new outlook. I was no longer burdened. In the past few months I've felt so encouraged and motivated to walk out the plan God has for me. Reading my bible and praying has been something I've craved. Tonight I explained some of this to Chris. I told him how I put myself, my desires on the back burner. I told him how I had been looking to him to meet my needs and to give me my self worth.
Detour: we have a book I bought while Chris and I were still dating. I recently pulled it from the bookshelf because the Lord was telling me to read it. At the time, I was reading another book and said "Oh, I'll read this after I finish my current book." Well, I finished that book and moved on to another book (which wasn't the book the Lord told me to read). I did this several times. I even picked up a book by Smith Wigglesworth, which would have done loads for me spiritually, but I started it and couldn't stop thinking about this other book.
Tonight, following my intense conversation with Chris, I (finally) picked up the book the Lord has been prodding me to read "The Power of a Praying Woman" by Stormie Omartian (what a name!) I get not even three pages into it and read the following paragraph:

"Do you ever have times when your life seems out of control? Do you ever feel pressured, as if your days are so busy that you fear you're missing out on a certain quality of life because of it? Do you worry that you are neglecting one or more areas of your life because you are trying to fill numerous roles (I accidentally typed rolls here... you can tell where my head always is) and meet many expectations? I've experienced that too."
"Have you ever felt as if your life is stuck in one place and you're going nowhere? Or worse yet, you are going backward? Have you had times when you've lost your vision for the future? Or have you never really had one to begin with? Have you wondered whether you can actually move into the full purpose and destiny God has for you? Have you experienced feelings of emptiness, frustration, or unfulfillment? I, too, have felt all those things." (HOLY COW!!! THIS WOMAN HAS READ MY MIND.... well... did... many years ago when this was written.... which is weird...)

I proceed to the next page and read the following:

"Every woman has needs. But many of us are guilty of looking to other people to meet them-especially the men in our lives. Too often we expect them to meet the needs that only God can fill. And then we are disappointed when they can't. We expect too much from them when our expectations should be in God.
My friend Lisa Bevere expressed it best when she said that for centuries women have "wrestled and waged war with the sons of Adam in an attempt to get them to bless us and affirm our value. But this struggle has left us frustrated at best....In the end, it is all a senseless and exhausting process in which both parties lose. It is not the fault of the sons of Adam; they cannot give us the blessing we seek, and we have frightened them by giving them so much power over our souls. We must learn that the blessing we truly need come only from God."

So.... all that to say this... I am starting the book "The Power of a Praying Woman" and I am going to blog about each chapter. I feel that it will be helpful for me to have thoughts in a written form for future reflection. If you're interested, buy the book and we'll read together. If not, check back with me every so often. Hopefully, it will encourage you and build you up as I know it will for me. God has me reading this for a reason and I know that I'll come out better than I started in the end. Looking forward to it!

Love you ladies (and gents)! Be encouraged!