Simplifying Life

Psalm 90:12 (NKJV) “So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

Steven Furtick of Elevation Church was speaking on Psalm 90:12 during his Times and Seasons series and he said a couple of statements about this passage that struck a chord with me.  He was trying to clarify what David meant by saying “teach us to number our days.” He said “Teach us how to correctly number our days”; “Teach us how to count what counts, so that we can make the most of the time we have”; “Teach me how to know what moments matter”; and “Teach me how to keep what matters most first and foremost, so I can make the most of the time I have.”

Near the end of the year last year I found myself very overwhelmed with life.  I felt unhappy and really just truthfully felt hopeless.  There are certain things about my life that I wanted so bad to change (nothing immoral – and it’s none of your business J).  I really lacked any type of vision for my life whatsoever.  During 21 days of prayer and fasting that was just my main prayer “God give me vision for my life, vision for my family’s lives, vision for our future.”  I firmly believe that having vision constantly before you is what keeps your motivation to succeed up.  Constantly being reminded of why you do things, and everything you do serving a purpose keeps you engaged in life.  I realized that I was doing (and still am to a degree) so many things just really for the sake of doing them.  So things piled up and piled up and suddenly I was doing so many things that I was overwhelmed.  I was stressed and unhappy and felt like that was carrying over to my home life.  I was physically and emotionally worn out and just tired, tired, tired when I was home.  I knew that wasn’t fair to my family and really not fair to me.  I was not enjoying my life.

Along the way I’ve been making little tweaks here and there.  Backing off from meetings and appointments where my presence really made no difference whatsoever, cancelling my Facebook account, I stopped venting personal things in my life to people who could not help.  The older I get the more I see how exhausting chatter for the sake of chatter is.  It may not even be audible chatter.  Constantly checking in to Facebook to see that someone liked some random photo that belongs to someone I don’t even know (WHAT SENSE DOES THAT EVEN MAKE???  WHY DO I CARE?? I DON’T!)  So I cut those things out.  I see the value of using social media for “marketing”…totally get it, but I honestly feel like it’s such a dangerous thing for personal use.  It sounds extreme…but the stress that constant chatter causes just isn’t worth it.  This girl’s brain can only take so much.

I also took some time to plan out how to readjust my priorities.  “What are my main priorities?  MY walk with God and my family.”  So I’ve made it a point to keep those my priorities.  I’ve just realized that there are different seasons in life.  Right now my kids are getting older, they are in a place where having my husband and I around is important.  We need to be available to impart things into them while our opinion matters J.  We need to be PRESENT (and not tired) as much as possible.  Our two oldest are school-aged and face things at school that sometimes require us to be there for encouragement, give them direction in how to navigate, etc.  It’s now that we are setting the tone for our relationships with our kids for years to come.  It’s now that we are able to create that safe place where our kids feel comfortable venting when they grow to be teenagers.  It’s taken me realizing that there will be times when I can be available again for things outside of our home, but what matters now is home—creating a safe place for my husband after a long day at work, being there to raise my children and give them (hopefully) a magical childhood. 

It has taken some time to readjust to not having somewhere to be all the time or not thinking about projects all the time.  I can honestly say that I’m a happier person though.  There’s just something comforting about recognizing seasons in life and realizing this particular season is only going to last so long.

New Year!!

Well… after almost a year, I’m back!  2013 was a very hard year for me and it honestly was just hard to put the effort into my blog posts.  I thought about it A LOT – and I missed it.  I have very few followers so I knew it wasn’t really an issue.  I do these posts as a way to get the words out.  I have no main focus…just use it as an outlet to talk.

2013 in hindsight was a great learning experience for me.  The year started off with the passing of my grandfather—which was really hard.  I’ve never had a member of my family that I was around a lot to pass away.  It was so nice though to learn more about him after his death though.  It’s honestly such an honor to have had him as a grandfather.  That’s the only way I know of to put into words how I feel.  He was a man that cared so much for his family – every.single.member.  I still cry when I think of him, but it’s not out of sadness.  I’m just grateful to have had the privilege of knowing him.

In 2013 I grew as a mother.  I have a daughter that is 6 going on 13 and that has provided its own set of challenges this year.  I honestly feel like I am the least qualified person to raise daughters… and somehow I ended up with 2.  If you know me, I am an information hog.  I’m constantly reading blogs and reading other peoples perspectives on life issues.  I’m open-minded and follow blogs of both christian and non-christian mothers.  I’m in a unique situation.  I don’t have any close friends that have kids in the same order I do: boy (8), girl (6) and girl (18 months).  I’ve found myself really needing help navigating situations with my oldest daughter, but no one I’m comfortable talking with would understand.  I can’t just talk with other mothers that have 3 kids because their kids don’t follow in the same order.  Having a middle child that is a daughter is hard.  I constantly find myself thinking about how to approach things where she won’t get her feelings hurt.  My son, he’s a breeze.  Nothing bothers him – really ever.  He cares very much about obeying the rules and getting the approval of his parents.  Even when he’s in trouble, he learns from it and shakes it off.  We have to handle our daughters with more care though.

I grew up in how I handle my relationships in 2013.  I became choosey in who I share information with.  I can really only think of 2 people that I really share details of my life with.  Talking about any issues with people that really don’t understand, and offer generic advice, makes no sense.  Now don’t get me wrong…I have many friends and I value those relationships VERY much.  I’m just talking about being choosey in those I trust with information.  I think it’s important to be that way.  I’m not interested in feedback from someone who has no experience in my situation – because they just don’t know….and that’s okay!  THIS was the hardest challenge for me.

I ended the year on a great note though!  My heart has been so full of expectation for the upcoming year.  I walked through a test the last few months and once I felt the release in my heart I was just immediately full of optimism for the new year!  I truly felt like I shut the door on the last year and was able to shake it off the second the new year began.  It’s honestly THE absolute best.feeling.ever.

At our church we are currently in a time of fasting – 21 days of fasting and prayer.  I have looked so forward to it because I truly believe the Lord wants to give direction for our family this year.  There are things in my heart that I have been mulling over and I’m just so happy to get some clarification and direction.  I truly believe that there are some big things on the horizon for our family this year and it’s exciting!  I’m not the least bit nervous or scared – just excited. J

So here’s to a new year sweet followers!  Believing your 2014 is the best.year.yet.

Much love!

Jen