Thursday, March 14, 2013

Winning Battles


I’m not sure exactly where the shift occurred.  I have to assume it was when my hubby and I stepped into a role with more responsibility in our church, but somewhere along the line I obviously crossed a line into “preparation” mode.  I can tell because it seems like I have more and more battles to fight as of late.  Overcoming offense being a major one. 

There is a battle that I am constantly having to fight in my heart.  I tell the Lord in a moment of frustration “Lord, I CHOOSE to forgive this person”, and at least once a month the situation that caused the offense comes back to mind and I find myself upset all over again.  I started getting discouraged last week because I just cannot seem to get past this situation.  In all honesty, it happened YEARS ago, and it wasn’t a big deal, but for some reason it cut me…. deep.  Despite the fact that I have actually verbalized “I forgive this person” the temptation keeps coming back and I find myself falling back into unforgiveness. 

It’s a dangerous place to be and I know that, which is why it has been so frustrating for me.  I have the DEEPEST desire to truly set this person free in my heart.  My anger is not something that is bothering them… it’s bothering me….and it’s keeping me bound.  I had a moment of revelation though in our LIFE group this past Monday and I’m so thankful.  The Lord always comes through right on time and this was no exception.  As I said, last week I started getting really discouraged because I could not get past this, and on Monday I received just what I needed to overcome.  Our lesson was speaking about Unforgiveness and below is the portion that gave me my answer:

Is there anyone you need to forgive?  God will give you the power to release them…Pray for God’s blessing on their lives.  Do like Jesus did in response to those who crucified Him: ask God to forgive them because “they know not what they do.”
(Luke 23:24)

Now I know that this seems so simple.  I know you all know this already.  Truth is, I’ve sat under years of sermons that have brought this same principle to light.  Sometimes though, you just have to be in the heat of battle for revelation to occur.  Things that you wouldn’t read twice any other day suddenly come to light.  Know what I’m saying?  This was that moment for me.  You know it’s God because my flesh does NOT want to pray blessing on someone who has done me wrong, but I’m looking forward to it!  I hope that this helps you in some way as well.

P.S.  I’ve thought long and hard about my vision for this blog.  I’ve tossed around the idea of conforming to every other blog out there.  Pretty pictures, blurbs about my family, etc.  I believe I’m supposed to keep moving forward in the direction I’ve been heading this whole time though.  I want this blog to be a place where I can share revelation I receive and (hopefully) offer encouragement to you.  I’m not saying that the cutesy posts will not occur in the future, but for the most part, this is just a place for me to vent.  I’m not interested in followers…though I love you all.  I’m just doing this more so as a way of putting words to my feelings.  I hope you’ll continue to follow.  Looking forward to the future!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Closure


I’m back!  I made it!  I apologize for the long break.  We’ve had quite a mad last couple of weeks.  I hope that you were able to catch some of the photos I posted from my trip to New York to Instagram.  I took about a hundred but just haven’t had time to upload just yet.

You may remember me talking about my grandfather being sick, which ultimately resulted in him passing away last Thursday.  A major loss for our family.  I left New York that morning knowing that when they removed him from the ventilator he wasn’t expected to make it the rest of the day.  I turned my phone off on the flight to Atlanta, and turned my phone back on to find he passed away en route.  His kids were with him as he passed and I can think of nothing sweeter.

Grief is such a foreign thing to me.  I’ve had a few friends pass away over the years, but none were particularly close to me.  This.. was such a shock to my system.  Immediately though I was just so happy for him.  I wept and wept and at the same time just wanted to burst because he’s in heaven!  What could be better?  He’s restored… not broken, he’s not struggling to breathe, there’s no sickness, there’s no pain.

We’ve spent the last 4 days with family.  We’ve cried together, shared memories, thoughts, hugs, and it’s been good.  I’ve always been one to feel like there has to be conversation.  If conversation starts to lag I babble in an effort to avoid “awkward” silence.  Not this time though.  It was the first time that I just knew that no words were needed.  Company was needed.  Sometimes that’s the most comforting thing.  Just someone to sit in silence with.

Before my grandfather’s health really began to fail, I went to visit him in the hospital.  He was a man of few words.  He wasn’t going to talk just for the sake of talking.  That day it was just he and I.  He was watching the practice rounds for the Daytona 500, and we just sat in silence watching the T.V.  It’s a day I will treasure.  Just being there to keep him company.  The other being the Saturday before our trip to New York.  The last time I saw him alive.  I was able to sit with him for an hour, again not talking, but just being.  I watched the monitors, I prayed here and there, but mostly just tried to soak up that moment.  When I left, I told him I loved him and kissed his head.

When my father contacted me to let me know they would be removing my grandfather’s ventilator, I had peace in my heart.  Though I didn’t know that the previous Saturday was my good-bye to my grandfather, it was enough for me.  I preferred it that way.  Not leaving him in tears….just a see you later.

Today the tears are still just under the surface, but it’s not quite as hard to contain my emotion.  I assume it will gradually get easier and easier.  I don’t feel quite as sad today as I have the last few days.  I’m mostly just thankful.  I’m thankful for the life of my grandfather… for the man he was.  I’m thankful for the memories I have of him.  I’m thankful for the playful hugs he gave me as a child.  I’m thankful that any time I see Doublemint gum I will be reminded of him.  I’m thankful for the legacy he has left behind.  I’m thankful that things are well with him……just thankful.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Quickly

“When the world is falling out from under me
I’ll be found in You
Still standing
When the sky rolls up
And mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I’ll be found in You.”

“Shadowfeet”  -Brook Fraser

Life is crazy for me this week.  My husband and I are preparing to go to New York this weekend, but we’ve had several hurdles to jump before we get there.  School projects, meetings, and spending time with family during a hard time.  My sweet grandfather is in poor health, but we’re confident that his health will be completely restored soon.  I spent the large majority of yesterday at the hospital with my fam.  Honestly could use your prayers.  I’m out of words.

I may not have time to post in the next few days.  If you’re interested, I’ll be documenting our trip to New York via Instagram.  You can locate me as mrswizznatch.     

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Fresh Air


I was listening to Terry Gross interview Bradley Cooper in an episode of “Fresh Air” this morning.  Terry was questioning what caused Bradley to want to be an actor.  In response, he described seeing a movie when he was younger that deeply affected him.  In describing that moment he said “I didn’t know anything at that point, I just knew that I wanted to affect people the way I had been affected.”  When I heard this I immediately related that feeling to the way I feel about serving in our church.  The exception would be that I don’t want to be the one to affect people, I want to be a part of creating an atmosphere for people to be affected deeply by the Lord as I have been.  Just being a part of that pivotal moment in someone’s life.  That day that they remember forever as the day things changed.  The day that their lives found meaning, the day that their lives found peace, the day that their lives found healing.

Like many others in our church, my husband and I spend (sometimes) hours thinking about our church, praying for our church, setting lights, working on music, setting up for events, etc.  This can prove to be A LOT of work and very tiring.  The thing about it though is that as tiring as all of the prep work can be, that feeling completely goes away the second someone acknowledges their need for Jesus.  The fact that all of us coming together and performing our respective duties is able to create an atmosphere where people’s hearts are changed makes all of the work worth it.  That’s what keeps us coming back to do that week after week!

I guess all of this is just to give a clear picture to those that have either experienced burn out, or are hesitant to get involved in church in any shape, form, or fashion, the reason behind all of the work.  I feel it’s important to have a “keep your eye on the prize” mindset.  “The prize” being that one (or 50) individuals that will experience Jesus in a real way during the upcoming service.  This is one of the ways I keep my heart in the right place.  You don’t focus on the work, you focus on a changed life.  Period.   

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Take Heart


Excerpt from "Take Heart
"
Hillsong United
2011 Hillsong Church
Hillsong Music Australia


All our troubles
And all our tears
God our hope
He has overcome

All our failure
And all our fear
God our love
He has overcome

All our heartache
And all our pain
God our healer
He has overcome

All our burdens
And all our shame
God our freedom
He has overcome

All our troubles
And all our tears
God our hope
He has overcome

All our failures
And all our fear
God our love
He has overcome

God our justice
God our grace
God our freedom
He has overcome

God our refuge
God our strength
God is with us
He has overcome


This weekend I went to the hospital to visit my grandfather who is recovering from some health issues.  The last news I heard about him before heading to the hospital was that his condition had worsened.  Not knowing what to expect when I made it the hospital, I put on this song on the drive up.  The words are such a great reminder of who God is and what He has done for us.  It stirs such faith in me.  Here's a link: Hillsong United "Take Heart".  I'll be back with a longer post tomorrow.  I hope that you had a great weekend!!

P.S. This weekend at Relate Church we baptized 12 people and 16 others accepted Jesus as their Savior.  God is moving in the earth!  He is drawing hearts!  We are on an incredible journey as His body in the earth.  I couldn't be more psyched for the future!!


Thursday, February 7, 2013

Fashion Week

In honor of New York Fashion Week, which by the way begins today, I thought I would show you a few of the trends for Spring 2013.  It's going to be an early spring according to the groundhog, so now's the time to prepare!  Luckily, spring trends are more than likely things you already have in your closet. 


Stripes: Vertical, Horizontal, wide, skinny, etc.  Any stripes.

Image via Elle


Image via She Finds



Floral print: I’ll be honest, I hate floral print anything.  I actually have a tunic that is floral, and I’m still not keen on it, but I wear it.  Is that weird?

Image via Olivia Palermo



Glam:  I can think of a few friends that will start implementing this into their wardrobe TO-DAY. 

Christian Dior via Style

Diane von Furstenberg via Style 



Monochromatic prints: I love the color combinations in the the first two pics, though I'm not sure what happened with that last number.

Derek Lam via Pattern Bank



White: white pants, white shirts, white dresses, white skirts.  One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

Image via The Written Runway
Image via Style Blazer



One shoulder:  It's baaack! Love love love!! 

Isabel Marant (left) Christian Dior (middle) and Lanvin (right)
Image via Harpers Bazaar



Make-Up:

Light/matte lips 



Hair:

Messy braids (my fave)
Hair at Balmain via Allure


Natural waves
Hair at Versace via Allure

Ultralow Ponytail
Hair at Rocha via Allure

Can I also just urge you to google Saint Laurent's Spring 2013 Ready-to-Wear collection?  I'm obsessed!

What about you?  Are you going to try something new this season?

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Just me...

If I could tell you what I consider to be the most important things about myself it would be these:

I’m a lover of Jesus first and foremost.  I’ve had so many instances in my life where He has come through for me, that there is no way you can convince me He isn’t real.  We’ve had miracles in our health, our families, our finances, etc., and it was clear that those things didn’t take place “by chance”.

I’m married to my best friend.  Chris and I went to high school together and I can remember talking to him a grand total of one time in the four years we were in school together.  The first time we talked (AOL Messenger anyone?) though, I was completely smitten.  Every time we’re together, it’s just comfortable.  Even surrounded by screaming kids, we’re able to look at each other and find humor in those moments.  We’ve been together long enough that we think the same and I find comfort in that.

I’m not a perfect mom.  I love my kids more than words can say.  I wake up every morning determined to be a better mom today than I was yesterday.  I examine myself every day and try to determine what I can do better today.  I want my kids to always feel accepted and loved at home.  I want them to know that we serve a God that loves them more than I do.  I want them to trust Him fully.  I want them to be smart enough to avoid all of the crud they will be offered in the coming years.  I want them to grow up feeling that I did my absolute best to give them a happy childhood, that I provided a safe place at home and provided an ear to vent to when they’re teenagers, and that they were prepared to face the world when they become adults.  That they will know how to follow God’s leading and make smart decisions – not quick decisions.  I feel that those are the best things I can provide to them.

I don’t sweat the small stuff.  There are those that have to make their beds every day, there are those that have to have a clean house every day, there are those that have to have every single detail in place …. and that’s just not me.  Rarely will you see my bed made, unless I just changed the sheets.  Rarely will you see my house completely clean.  Our living spaces are pretty clean, but our rooms are another story.  I fly by the seat of my pants more than I should, but life is just simpler that way.  It helps me enjoy my days when I’m not stressed.  When it comes down to it, sure I didn’t get my bed made, but I did get to work early enough to allow me to scoop my kids up from school.  My kids having the security of knowing that their mom will be there to get them from school means more to me than any old bed.

I’m not so much a creative thinker as I am a creative doer.  I’m not an originator of creative ideas, but I love to get my hands dirty bringing others creative ideas to life. 

I LOVE to travel.  Being in new places, meeting new people, trying new foods.  Exploring the globe with my family is my idea of bliss.

 
I’d love to hear the things you find most important in the comments below!

Monday, February 4, 2013

A New Year and A New Beginning

Last month I participated in a 21-day fast at our church.  My husband and I chose to do The Daniel Fast.  My husband, the man of iron will, decided to fast breakfast and lunch and only eat dinner.  I on the other hand, decided to fast caffeine, sweets, social media and tried to stick as close to the requirements of The Daniel Fast as I could reasonably attain.  This year it was MUCH easier to do The Daniel Fast when I allowed myself some leeway.  I didn't stress over our meals as much as I did last year, and in turn was able to clearly focus on praying and seeking The Lord as I should.

Cut to today, 9 days post fast, and I have received more little promptings in my life today than I did during the entire time of fasting.  Nothing major, but little tweaks I can make here and there.  One of those things being this blog.  I have had this blog for a couple of years now and have posted maybe 15 times. :) Typical me.  I've kept the blog around though because it is something I enjoy doing.  I believe that desire is there for a reason, and today more than ever, I have really felt led to press into my blogging.  It's all new to me though.  I can't promise that I will post every day or even every week, but I can promise that you will see more thoughts from me.

Another change I have felt led to make is to cut down on my use of social media.  I was without social media for 21 days and it was SO good.  It's not something I enjoy.  I care about all of you, truly, but I don't care what you're doing every second of the day.  I just don't.  I check Facebook merely out of habit, and it's time better spent elsewhere.  So, from now on, if you need to reach me -- call me, text me, e-mail me, tweet me (yes, I will continue to keep up with Twitter).

I've thought a lot about all of the things I would like to change about myself.  Work out more, devote more time to reading and doing things that are beneficial, tweak the way I eat, etc.  This is something that every woman does.  We are constantly analyzing ourselves, trying to figure ways to be our best me.  Recently I had the thought "At what point am I going to stop griping about the things I dislike about myself and just change?"  And to date, I'm happy to report that I've done so.  I convinced my husband to join our local gym.  I've told myself for years that I can just work out at home, but truth is, I have 3 kids.  Someone always wants something.  I never get more than 10 minutes to myself without someone needing me in some way.  Which don't get me wrong... I LOVE, but it just is not the ideal environment for exercise.  So in order to feel happier in my skin, I will have to get away for that 45 minute period.  I'm not a work-out addict, I'm allowing myself some grace as I begin this lifestyle change.  I have not gone to the gym everyday, I have eaten sweets more than I would like to admit, but I see the err in my ways and jump back on the boat.  No condemnation, no frustration.  Boom!

Chris and I have decided that we want 2013 to be the best year of our lives.  I can truly say this year is starting out right on course.  I'm more comfortable with myself than I ever have been.  I've spent years trying to alter who I am to be what I think people will find more acceptable, but it's exhausting -- and I'm over it.  I have some extremely talented friends, those with a sparkling creative ability, and in the past I've felt like I was lacking because I wasn't as driven in the same things they were.  Truth is, I have just had to focus on finding my identity in Christ.  Who has God created me to be, what strengths has He placed inside of me, in what ways can I use those strengths?  So, we're back to the blog.  My hope for this blog is that it will be a source of encouragement for you.  My posts won't always be this wordy.  I will share those things that interest me here and there (recipes, parenting tips, fashion faves, etc.), but I just want to have a space to share myself with others.  I hope that you will feel comfortable commenting on posts with your own thoughts.

So, that's me.  What about you??  Hope to hear from you in the comments below!